I’m always a bit incredulous when new parents think that their life has finally begun at the birth of their first child. It’s as if there is no reason to be until one can parent a child. I smile, I nod. I buy the requisite baby gifts and offer congratulations. But, secretly, I have to wonder if I am the only one that is seeing a naked monarch walk down the street.

I have often been a champion of “kid free zones”. I don’t really like kids that much and find it hard to relate to them, or even care that one day, they’ll grow up into adults. I find the chaos they bring with them to be unamusing and an infringement on my general well-being. I’m the guy that would pay more to fly on an airline that wouldn’t allow children. I specifically go to a late movie at the theater in hopes that parents would be decent and not take their kids to the movies after 10:00 pm. I dine after 9:00 pm in upscale restaurants in hopes that “family hour” is over. I generally go out of my way to avoid having children around whenever possible.

But, frankly, it’s impossible to get away from them. I blame parents completely. Not that I want to get into Dr. Spock territory (and I don’t mean “the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one”), but I don’t understand how it’s a good idea when raising a child to take them to a movie that starts after 9:30pm. Why would a parent spend the money that could be better used on a babysitter rather than on a meal in a upscale restaurant (that a kid probably won’t like anyway)? Why take them to the theater that they won’t enjoy (I’m thinking the Fine Arts here) just so they can get bored in two seconds and ruin other peoples time?

Today I was splashing about with a friend at the local pool (that only costs about $40 to get in for the day) at the Al Salam Rotana Hotel in Khartoum and generally having a good time. I did have to take a deep breath when I arrived and stick the iPod buds deeply into my ears to avoid the generic chatter of two children that were running around freely at the pool and generally causing a ruckus.

So, it’s no stretch of the imagination that I do my best to “tune out” kid chatter. And, on this day, while I tuned out the splashing and general annoying screaming that kids do in pools, I missed the fact that three feet away from me, a 7 year old girl almost drowned. Well, that might be a bit too much of an exaggeration, but she apparently did have a bit of a struggle and looked to be going under (according to eye witnesses). Fortunately, my buddy was there, saw what was about the happen and plucked the girl out of the pool. I just looked silly since I didn’t notice.

This only reinforces what I know to be true. I should not ever raise a kid.

Whew. I feel better now that decision is made.